Have you noticed how your circle seems to shrink as you get older?
It’s not just you. It’s a natural part of growth.
As we evolve—doing the inner work, raising our standards, and becoming more aligned with who we truly are—we begin to drift from the version of ourselves that chose certain people to begin with.
Let’s be clear: You don’t outgrow your friends.
You outgrow the version of you that picked them.
And that realization? It stings. Especially when you’ve known someone for 20 or 30 years but now feel like you’re speaking two different languages.
It’s not personal—it’s alignment. And when alignment fades, distance grows.
That’s where loneliness creeps in.
The Loneliness Epidemic No One Talks About
In a world more connected than ever, we’re also more disconnected than we’ve ever been. Especially men.
Most don’t talk about it. Many feel ashamed for even feeling it.
They wonder: “What’s wrong with me?”
But here’s the truth: There’s nothing wrong with you.
You’re not broken—you’ve simply evolved. And your circle needs to evolve too.
Because what we’re all really craving isn’t more people.
It’s real connection.
If you’ve ever thought, “I wish I had someone I could just be real with,”—you’re not alone.
Not small talk. Not surface-level banter.
But honest, soul-nourishing connection.
Because loneliness isn’t the absence of people.
It’s the absence of real connection.
How to Attract Aligned Relationships
Since leaving Toronto in 2018, I’ve lived in Nosara, Miami, Medellín, and now Tulum.
In each city, I’ve built real friendships that still last.
How? I didn’t just “find” my tribe.
I became the kind of person they would want to meet.
Here’s how you can do the same:
1. Get Clear on Your Core Values
Mine are health, growth, ambition, discipline, and adventure.
These aren’t just values I admire—they’re values I embody.
2. Go Where Your People Are
In every new city, I start with the best gym—not just for fitness, but to meet like-minded people.
Not into the gym? Try:
- A run club
- A yoga studio
- A book club
- A co-working space
- A spiritual community
Your next best friend could be one brave conversation away.
3. Take the First Step
Yes, it can feel awkward to walk into a room full of strangers.
But remember: Everyone else walked in alone once, too.
Be the One Who Brings People Together
The fastest way to build a tribe?
Become the one who creates community.
- Host a dinner.
- Organize a group workout.
- Introduce people to each other.
Offer value. Be real. Show up.
Not to keep score—but to build trust and connection.
Let me give you a real-life example:
When I owned Blowfish, my restaurant in Toronto, a well-dressed guy came in alone, sat at the bar, and kept showing up.
He complimented the food, the vibe, the energy.
Soon, he started bringing friends, introduced them to me—and we all connected.
One day, he brought me a book: Never Eat Alone by Keith Ferrazzi.
In it, the author shares a story of how he built friendships with the owner of a top NYC restaurant by doing exactly what this guy did.
That moment reminded me: Genuine connection leaves a lasting impact.
Bring the Traveler’s Mindset Home
It might be easier to make friends while traveling—you’re naturally curious, open, present.
But what if you brought that energy home?
Explore a new neighborhood.
Try a new class.
Go to that event you usually skip.
Let go of the story that says, “I don’t belong.”
Because here’s the truth:
Your vibe attracts your tribe.
Being a lone wolf might look cool—
But it gets cold without a pack.
Start Now. Here’s How.
- Define your values.
- Be the fullest expression of who you are.
- Put yourself in environments where your people are.
- Be brave enough to connect.
You don’t need 100 new friends.
You just need a few aligned ones.
So show up. Speak up.
And don’t settle for surface.
